On Male Friendships

I honestly think one of the biggest reasons men don’t have deep or emotional friendships is because of internalized homophobia. Women can hug each other, sit close, hold hands, even kiss on the cheek, and nobody bats an eye. Society is completely fine with women being physically and emotionally intimate with their friends. But the moment guys do even a fraction of that, it gets labeled as “gay,” and that shuts everything down before it can even begin.

Because of that, most of my friendships end up feeling shallow. If I want to take a walk with someone, or sit on a bench at the park and actually talk about real stuff, it suddenly becomes “weird.” People turn it down because it “looks gay,” and instead they default to talking about whatever piece of media is popular at the moment. Men are allowed to be friends, but only on the surface level, without closeness.

Society places strict and limiting rules on how [humans] are allowed to relate to eachother. [..] makes [emotional] closeness […] feel risky and encourages separation/divsion between humans. This traps us in a cage that restricts the synthesis of thoughts. [Men] starve[d] of emotional connecton and are punished for seeking [it]. [They] are made subhumans, not able to [think] and forced to funnel all emotions into productivity. [Their] romantic partners [become] the only [acceptable] emotional outlet. [They] are dependent on the [woman] for [emotional] support and unable to think. This is akin to a suffocation, an amputation of [their] humanity.

To [combat] this, I will walk around kissing boys {joke}. I [will] observe carefullly and initiate minimal interactions and escalate [engagement] only when [reciprocity] is clear. The goal is to maintain [symmetry] and act [non-coercively] to create [predictable], safe, and [mutually] sustaining. This creates space for intimacy.

Happy birthday, Hugh. You're allowed to be human with me.