On Holding On To Feelings

They stay long after the environment ends. Disgraceful moments will repeat in my head. This is not "analyzing" or "overthinking". The brain is circling the same memory in the hope it will change into something less humiliating or lonely.

These feelings are not "deep". They are [stuck]. They are not proof of sensitivity, but rather incompletion. They hover in the [middle] space where I keep trying to extract a lesson, validation, or [symmetry] instead of one-sidedness.

I do not think it is obsession. It is the fear that if I let the feeling [stay] and fade without making [sense] of it, I never [mattered]. Releasing it is a kind of emotional [failure], as if closure will only come after completion. So I loop and polish it.

I think that [thoughts] are akin to a pandoras box of sorts: once opened, they are done–archived and left to [ellipsis]. Holding onto them creates unnecessary stress. The past is not malleable, and it does not define the [present]. It is possible to acknowledge a thought arising without guarding it. Progression requires forward motion; it makes no sense to prove the past happened.

I am not trying to erase anything or coerce myself into “moving on”, but simply [separating] the event from the [interpretation] and seeing things as they are. This allows me to create distance between my processes (feelings/thoughts) and files (memories/events), making the raw memory neutral [data], minimizing self-judgment and improving emotional regulation. This allows [flexibility] and lets me update [interpretations].