Systematic Awareness

I am noticing a pattern. The irritation I feel toward small disruptions has a predictable shape. It always starts with me thinking the world should be cleaner and more consistent than it is. Maybe this frustration is not about the world. Maybe it is about the way I am wired. The disorder outside touches a disorder inside. The [self] is too fragile to sustain this order. It is reactive and inconsistent, the generator of disorder.